1. “You realize that I know absolutely nothing about football, right?”

    “I could teach you!”

    “Don’t you dare.”

     
  2. Tell me, do you prefer to eat your thesaurus raw, or do you boil it first?
     
  3. "His teeth are the main attraction but his lips and tongue do a wonderful opening act."

     
  4. Huge surprise, Dave actually has eyes, throw a party, light the fireworks, someone better call the presses because holy shit this is the biggest news since the survival of y2k.”

     
  5. "…I can’t believe you just got laid over a shitty Team Fortress 2 reference."

     
  6. “Strider, I said no, and I swear to god if you ask me one more time I will shove my fist so far down your throat I can control your legs and make them walk away from me.”

     
  7. "Jesus Christ, what happened? Did someone invite Yoko Ono to Christmas?"

     
  8. Does your dick make my ass look big?”

     
  9. "We’ll do the passionate thing later, scouts honor."

     
  10. “D-don’t be ragging on the rag, bro.”