1. "His teeth are the main attraction but his lips and tongue do a wonderful opening act."

  2. Huge surprise, Dave actually has eyes, throw a party, light the fireworks, someone better call the presses because holy shit this is the biggest news since the survival of y2k.”

  3. "…I can’t believe you just got laid over a shitty Team Fortress 2 reference."

  4. “Strider, I said no, and I swear to god if you ask me one more time I will shove my fist so far down your throat I can control your legs and make them walk away from me.”

  5. "Jesus Christ, what happened? Did someone invite Yoko Ono to Christmas?"

  6. Does your dick make my ass look big?”

  7. "We’ll do the passionate thing later, scouts honor."

  8. “D-don’t be ragging on the rag, bro.”

  9. “At first I thought you were playing it cool but you were just being the densest person ever. Neutron stars have nothing on you.”

  10. If you’re not decked out fitting for a trek to the north pole then your testicles will straight up ditch your ass and run off to Tahiti to sit on the beach with a fruity drink so alcoholic it’ll—