"But it could be a better show, and Dirk tells him that. He figures they can put together a real spectacular. The Ice Capades of sex. A Ringling Brothers circus composed entirely of fucking. ‘Jake Gets Plowed’ in IMAX 3D."
"The Asshole party has a mandate and a majority, but the Act Like A Human Being For Fuck’s Sake party is fighting for this one, and they gotta win sometimes, or people will think this is some kind of dictatorship."
“Get any braces snagged in that thing?” “Anyone climbing that ladder of yours yet bro?” “Oh hey man did your metal dick lead you in here to my magnetic personality?” “Sup dude how’s RoboCock? Kicking the ass of criminal cum in Dicktroit?”
"and the next person to ask for Comic Sans because it makes their site look fun and friendly is going to get my foot shoved so far up their ass that the only fun and friendly thing they're going to get is sucking on my toes for the rest of their existence."